Gorilla Milkshake in Cannes

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Back in 2009, Gorilla Milkshake went to the Short Film Corner at the Cannes International Film Festival to promote “Patient” and Guys Night”. Below is a diary of said journey.

05/12/09 – Gorilla Milkshake in Cannes:

Bonjour,
After 4 flights, 3 cabs, 2 hotels, 1 train ride and a lot of walking, Gorilla Milkshake is finally in Cannes.
We’re here for 12 days and will be giving “blog” updates as frequently as possible, so keep come back to read up on the goings on at Le Festival de Cannes.
Au Revoir,Neil

05/13/09 – Short Film Corner – Day One:

Allo,
We have searched the labrynth that is the Cannes film market and with every big investor, buyer, seller and short film distributor, the coming days become a little more promising. Although it can make you feel like a hooker on friday selling your hopes, dreams, and heart for a first window contract on the BBC, but dem’s da breaks.
The big stars are starting to roll into town and apparently, the real action is in fact everything happening around the festival, rather than the festival itself.
The adventure deepens with hidden gems such as the “Canadian Embassy” tent (a little slice of home to work, meet, croissant and treat), the absynthe shop, le petite majestic (bar), le maison rouge, irish producers from the uk, french directors from chicago, and thank god, not a starbucks to be seen …

where the coffee is real and the wine is a steal.oh vive le france, in awe we kneel.
Dan

05/14/09 – Short Film Corner – Day Two:

Buenos días,
So dears friends, here we are on the second day of our European excursion. As I sit upon these rocky shores, watching the waves come and go, like so many unfulfilled dreams, my mind can’t help but wander about the curiousities that befell us today. Strangley, public transit played a big part in both the the highs and lows of our day. From finding a new, cheap and quick means of traveling downtown, to arriving late to a movie preimer, the bus has proven to be both a good friend and a cruel mistress.
The most notable moment of the evening came when we were surprisngly invited to the Gala screening of a Korean film called “Spring Fever”. The result of which saw the three of us standing at the local bustop decked out to the nines in tuxedos, racing to make it to the screening in time. Public transit has never looked so good.
Despite our best efforts, we arrived late for the screening. And sadly, neither Dan’s sultry propositions, nor my uncontrolable crying could sway the festival security into letting us in. The day ended with our tuxedoed heroes walking off into the sunset, a little saddened but not defeated. Neil comforted himself by buying a hot dog. It’s safe to say dear reader, I’ve never seen anything quite as classy as a man in a tuxedo eating a hot dog from a street vendor. Doubt I ever will.
Desmond

05/15/09 – Short Film Corner – Day Three:

Hello,
Well readers, you may be wondering why this update is coming in so late and well I have a good excuse for it….let me explain.
The day started with us making our way to the Short Film Corner to screen Patient and simply make the rounds again. Here at the festival they have an event everyday called “Happy Hour” which is quickly becoming the main portion of the day where the most amount of networking gets done. This is attributed mostly to the fact that they serve free alcohol.
We then, last minute, made our way to the debut screening of Michel Gondry’s new documentary film “Thorn in the Heart”. Great experience, decent film and Gondry is a very humble guy.
Then the trouble started, and by trouble I mean booze. We made our way around town stopping in bar after bar having a drink and moving on. It was a fantastic way to see the thus unknown places in Cannes and was the first time since coming here that we’ve truely been able to do so.
So all in all, the excuse for this late post is we drank too much.
Is it a legitimate excuse? Maybe. Is it a completely awesome one? We like to think so.
We’re heading out now to see the film “Thirst” which was directed by Chan Wook Park (Director of Old Boy).
We hope you’re all doing well back in the True North Strong and Free.
Sayonara,
Neil

05/16/09 – Short Film Corner – Day Four:

Quick Update…
Remember people, you heard it here first. Our pick for sleeper hit of the festival…
MEGA SHARK VS. GIANT OCTOPUS
Don’t say we didn’t tell you so.
More to come.
Neil

05/17/09 – Short Film Corner – Day Five:

Progress. Daily seminars, further contacts, distributors, contests, and sales deals surround us. The hunters are becoming the hunted. Word is spreading and with one week in the hole, the comfort level rises, and the layout of the whole Festival (including quick undergroud escape tunnels) all feels like home.
Even if we left now, we’d be coming home with more contact information, knowledge, wisdom, and ideas for strategic future chess moves in the industry then we ever would have attained via internet research or film school.
We’ll see what an entire new week brings, starting tomorrow.
Today however, did reveal one snag in the progress…
Bank machine 1: Sorry, your bank will not allow withdrawl from this location.
Bank machine 2: Sorry, your bank will not allow withdrawl from this location.
Bank machine 3: Sorry, your bank will not allow withdrawl from this location.
Bank machine 4: Sorry, your bank will not allow withdrawl from this location.
Bank machine 5: Pushed the french button and then didn’t know what to do…
Bank machine 6: Sorry, your bank will not allow withdrawl from this location.
Tarantino, Gilliam, Gondry, and Raimi better be flippin’ worth being stuck in Europe with a Toronto Dominion Bank Card that will not disperse Euro’s. Not entirely sure how to fix the problem with no European phone reception either. However, we are not above prostituting Desmond for quick cash.
Beware Desmond’s future posts on the horror’s of hooking.
Dan the Pimp

05/18/09 – Short Film Corner – Day Six:

Greetings,
As our journey presses on, we’ve said goodbye to some amazing new friends that are now on there way home from Cannes. Athough our time with them is over, they won’t be soon forgotten. However I did have a four cheese pasta I’d like to forget about as quickly as possible, but that’s a story for another day.
Things are really heating up here in France, both weather wise, and in terms of business meetings, conferences, and networking events. I think this next week should be very exciting. Educational at the very least. At times I look around and realize how young we are in the crowd. I almost feel like a little kid that’s been invited to sit at the grown up table. Here’s hoping I don’t make a mess.
Desmond

05/19/09 – Short Film Corner – Day Seven:

Epic fail = Epic success = Quasi fail = Slight surn burn.
It’s 7:30am, and three chipper go getters named Desmond, Neil and Dan decide it to be a great idea to head down to the Palias du Festival early and you know nip the festival and life in general in the bud.
Desmond goes his seperate way, attending a “Networking Breakfast”, while Dan and I head to the invitation level in an attempt to grab some tickets for the premier screening of Inglorious Basterds. To our surprise, the badges we were given during our accreditation put us essentially one level above being someone not in the festival at all. Which means, it is impossible for us to get tickets to premiere screenings before they are already spoken for. *Epic Fail*
No trouble though. We collect our things and leave in search of greener pastures.
Proceeding to the “Canadian Embassy”, Dan and I spend most of the morning sending out feelers to other production companies when Desmond arrives with grand tales of awesome and glory from the “Networking Breakfast”. *Epic Success*
Still determined to see a film, we stumble down the street in 27 degree heat to see if we can slide into the screening of Jim Carrey’s new film “I Love You Phillip Morris”. When we are met with an “Ou eh tou?” from the door man, we once again cut our losses and move on. *Quasi Fail*
Hopping on the bus, we head back to the hotel, when I think it would be a great idea to sit by the pool and catch some sunlight. With calm music streaming into my ears, I do what any regular person would, I fall asleep. Now, this is where most would say they woke up to reveal a vicious sun burn, but not me. It seems God was on my side and spared me the searing pain. Only some small sections on the arms were affected.
Let’s hope tomorrow brings with it more success and less fail.
Cheers,Neil
*FAIL UPDATE* Just realized that admist my pool side slumber, I missed an editor’s conference at the Short Film Corner. If you want me, I’ll be the ogrish fellow crying at the bar.

05/20/09 – Short Film Corner – Day Eight:

VICTORIOUS BASTERDS!!!
No more failure report friends. As the picture below depicts, when the tides turn they tidal wave in the opposite direction.
You know how good things always happen in three? Well we’ve got three, Inglorious Basterds, Inglorious Basterds and Inglorious Basterds.
All attempts to get priority tickets have failed violently. Apparently, ticket machines and french bank machines are the same … neither put out.
Early at breakfast, Neil layed his cards on the table … flat out, “I’m going to try to get into the Inglorious Basterds Premier tonight”. There was just no talking him down.
And how ironic that one must burn ones scalp, standing in the sun, to get into the film about scalping people. But alas, the streak of success has begun … and tonight we attended one HELL OF A PREMIER!!!
And half way through waiting in the heat with a Tux on, again, Neil layed his cards on the table once more… “If they only let one of us three in I’ll judo chop both of you”. Thankfully, they let all three of us in, and no fists of fury were necessary… So instead we snapped a pic of us walking up the red carpet and reaching the top … of the ant-hill so-to-speak. (posted below)
So believe it or not, this is the world’s first Inglorious Basterds review. No newspaper is printed till morning, blogs/sites are not updated this fast, and no public members have seen the film before this day… It is good. It is so good. Dare I say, Tarantino has earned every bit of hype to his name.
SPOILER WARNING:
Turn away if you don’t want the entire epic destroyed for you right now because I’m about to ruin every minute…
…you’ve been warned…
…the Nazi’s lose the war and America defeats Adolf Hitler. Sorry, had to.
Seriously though, you have never seen war-gore like this. That is all.
And the premium experience of a film with cheering at the beginning, gasping, laughing, shuttering in horror, and applauding even harded at the end is one only a premier could bring.
Aside from staring Quentin Tarantino (who came out of nowhere in the red carpet by the way), Brad Pitt, Angelina Jolie, Sharon Stone, Mike Myers, Paris Hilton *shutter*, and many others in the face today while wearing our tuxedo’s, that all had nothing to do with how good the film was.
Inglorious Basterds could have been played at AMC in Saint John, Newfoundland and it still would have made the audience clap and cheer.
Completely fulfilled as the credits rolled we decided to go home instead of getting back in line for Sam Rami’s Drag Me to Hell, Premiere.
Shrugging contenly, Neil layed his final cards on the table… “Rami’s film plays tomorrow too… lets get drunk”.
Success Update:
-Dan (a victorious basterd)

05/21/09 – Short Film Corner – Day Nine:

Sweet dreams with cookies & creams. The days are winding down, and our trip is quickly coming to a close. So what does one do before they leave such an upscale part of France like Cannes? You eat. At the finest place you can. And good friends, that is just what we did. Maybe not the most expensive meal ever, but cerainly among the greatest.
Our dinner conversation varied from solving the worlds economic crisis, saving our enviroment, to the drop dead beauty of Alison Loman, and the traumatic events of our childhood.

We were served this fine evening by perhaps the most eccentric waiter on Earth. When he wasn’t randomly breaking into expressionistic dance movements, or mysteriously touching Dan–just short of a hot oil massage, he was accusing me of being a “crazy Englishman”. The third peron to do so this trip in fact. Do I sound English to you guys? Perhaps my cane, monacle, and bowler hat were ill advised.
On to the food. What more can I say but amazing! Mr. and Mrs. Huber, we thank you! Have you ever had a meal so good you momentarily forget your name? Yeah, it was that good. But the best was still to come. Dessert consisted of what can best be described as ice cream stuffed with cookies. Which some might say makes no sense, but I say is delicious. Amazing stuff. It was like the first time I rode a Unicorn. if said Unicorn was made of chocolate, and stuffed with cookies.
In retrospect, perhaps that was a poor anaology. But I’ve yet to come down from my sugar high, so I fear i’m not at my most coherent. Were gonna try to catch “Drag me To Hell”, which should be a kick. So look forward to hearig about that. Till next time, keep your unit on ya.
Desmond

05/22/09 – Short Film Corner – Day Ten:

I start this entry by saying this…if going to hell is that awesome, then drag me down.
Let me explain.
Today is the final day before Dan ventures back across the ocean to Canada, followed swiftly by Desmond and I on Sunday morning. Thus, it was a must that we go out with a bang. And that we did.
After a long night out last night, sleep was a necessity. With a late wake time, the day was limited, but trust me, we made the most of it. Heading to the Palais, we were on a mission to recreate a “Victorious Bastards” moment (see Dan’s entry below), by attempting to catch the films The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus (Heath Ledger’s final film) and Drag Me To Hell (Sam Raimi’s return to horror).
Finding our way back to the “last minute” line, we ran into some aquaitences and the 2 hour wait flew by. Much like Inglorious Basterds, the organizers over packed the theatre and opened up another one. Thus we were treated to another “Premiere”. I’m notorious for ruining films for people, so I will simply say, watch it when it comes out on September 4th and judge for yourself.
Now, there is a reason why Sam Raimi is my favourite director and bar none the best horror directors in the industry today, and that all is proven with Drag Me To Hell. I can’t sum this film up into words, ok well maybe I can. Puss, magots, possession, flem, fluids, flies, gummings, staplers, shadows, buttons and billy goats. I truly had goosebumps up my back the entire film, I think Dan soiled himself on more then one occasion and either Desmond is a sociopath or he’s simply just use to possessions.
All in all it was a fantastic night. Dan is currently packing *single tear*, oh and he also just killed a moth *double tear*.
In the end, this trip has been a fantastic voyage, but I can’t tell you how bad I want a double double from Tim Hortons.
Cheers,Neil
Also, as you can see by the picture below, it would appear our thoughts of Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus being the sleeper hit of the festival were greatly exaggerated.

05/22/09 – Short Film Corner – Day Eleven (Final Day):

Nothing major to say today folks other then, “Cheers to you Cannes and a fond farewell.”
We’re coming home everyone. See you very soon.
Thanks,Gorilla Milkshake.(Desmond Sargeant & Neil Huber)